Intro
D A7 D G/D D G/D D G/D D G/D D
[Verse 1]
D7sus
Well, I took me a woman late last night
D G/D D G/D D
I was three-fourths drunk, she looked alright
D7sus
'Til she started peelin' off her onion-gook
D G/D D
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
G/D D G/D D
I was high-flyin'
G/D D G/D D
Bare-naked
G/D D A7 G/D D G/D D
Out the window
[Verse 2]
D7sus
Well, sometimes I might get drunk
G/D D
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
D7sus
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
D G/D D
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side
G/D D G/D D
She's-a tryin' to hide
G/D D D7sus G/D D G/D D G/D D
Pretendin' she don't know me
[Verse 3]
D7sus
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
D G/D D
When a can of black paint it fell on my head
D7sus
I went down to scrub and rub
G/D D G/D D
But I had to sit in back of the tub
G/D D D7sus
Cost a quarter
G/D D G/D D G/D
Half-price
[Verse 4]
D7sus
Well, my telephone rang, it would not stop
D G/D D
It's President Kennedy callin' me up
D7sus
He said, "My friend Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
D G/D D
I said, "My friend John, Brigitte Bardot
G/D D G/D D
Anita Ekberg
G/D D G/D D
Sophia Loren
G/D D A7 G/D D G/D D G/D D
Country-O-Grow"
[Verse 5]
D7sus
Well, I got a woman four feet short
G/D D G/D D
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
D7sus
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
G/D D G/D D
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
G/D D G/D D
She's a man-eater
G/D D G/D D
Meat-grinder
D7sus G/D D G/D D G/D D G/D D
Bad loser
[Verse 6]
D7sus
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
G/D D
I got a woman who works herself blind
D7sus
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
G/D D
Writes me letters and sends me checks
G/D D G/D D
She's a humdinger
G/D D D7sus G/D D G/D D G/D D
Folk singer
[Verse 7]
D7sus
Late one day in the middle of the week
G/D D
Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
D7sus
I chased me a woman up the hill
G/D D G/D D
Right in the middle of an air raid drill
G/D D G/D D
I jumped the fallout shelter
G/D D G/D D
I jumped the string-bean
G/D D G/D D
I jumped the TV dinner
G/D D D7sus G/D D G/D D
I jumped the shotgun
[Verse 8]
D7sus
Now, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
G/D D
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
D7sus
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
G/D D G/D D
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
G/D D G/D D
He's eatin' bagels
G/D D G/D D
He's eatin' pizza
G/D D A7 G/D D G/D D G/D D
He's eatin' chitlins
[Verse 9]
D7sus
Oh, I set me down on the television floor
G/D D
I flipped the channel on to number four
D7sus
Out of the shower comes a football man
G/D D G/D D
With a bottle of oil in his hand
G/D D G/D D G/D D
Greasy kid stuff
D7sus
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
G/D D G/D D G/D D
Is what do you do about Willy Mays?
G/D D G/D D
Martin Luther King?
G/D D7sus G/D D G/D D G/D D G/D D
Oula Tunjee?
[Verse 10]
D7sus
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
D G/D D
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
D7sus
She takes about fifteen baths a day
G/D D
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face
G/D D G/D D7sus G/D D G/D D G/D D
She's insane
[Verse 11]
D7sus
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
G/D D G/D D
It levels my head and eases my mind
D7sus
I just walk along and stroll and sing
G/D D G/D D
I'll see better days and I'll do better things
G/D D G/D D
I'll catch dinosaurs
G/D D G/D D
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
G/D D G/D D G/D D7sus G/D D G/D D
Catch hell from Richard Burton