Intro
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[Verse 1]
D7sus
Well, I took me a woman late last night
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I was three-fourths drunk, she looked alright
D7sus
'Til she started peelin' off her onion-gook
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She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
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I was high-flyin'
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Bare-naked
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Out the window
[Verse 2]
D7sus
Well, sometimes I might get drunk
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Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
D7sus
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
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'Cause I got my little lady right by my side
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She's-a tryin' to hide
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Pretendin' she don't know me
[Verse 3]
D7sus
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
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When a can of black paint it fell on my head
D7sus
I went down to scrub and rub
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But I had to sit in back of the tub
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Cost a quarter
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Half-price
[Verse 4]
D7sus
Well, my telephone rang, it would not stop
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It's President Kennedy callin' me up
D7sus
He said, "My friend Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
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I said, "My friend John, Brigitte Bardot
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Anita Ekberg
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Sophia Loren
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Country-O-Grow"
[Verse 5]
D7sus
Well, I got a woman four feet short
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She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
D7sus
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
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Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
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She's a man-eater
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Meat-grinder
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Bad loser
[Verse 6]
D7sus
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
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I got a woman who works herself blind
D7sus
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
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Writes me letters and sends me checks
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She's a humdinger
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Folk singer
[Verse 7]
D7sus
Late one day in the middle of the week
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Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
D7sus
I chased me a woman up the hill
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Right in the middle of an air raid drill
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I jumped the fallout shelter
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I jumped the string-bean
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I jumped the TV dinner
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I jumped the shotgun
[Verse 8]
D7sus
Now, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
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He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
D7sus
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
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Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
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He's eatin' bagels
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He's eatin' pizza
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He's eatin' chitlins
[Verse 9]
D7sus
Oh, I set me down on the television floor
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I flipped the channel on to number four
D7sus
Out of the shower comes a football man
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With a bottle of oil in his hand
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Greasy kid stuff
D7sus
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
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Is what do you do about Willy Mays?
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Martin Luther King?
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Oula Tunjee?
[Verse 10]
D7sus
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
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Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
D7sus
She takes about fifteen baths a day
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Wants me to grow a mustache on my face
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She's insane
[Verse 11]
D7sus
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
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It levels my head and eases my mind
D7sus
I just walk along and stroll and sing
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I'll see better days and I'll do better things
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I'll catch dinosaurs
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Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
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Catch hell from Richard Burton
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